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Unkle Munky Pg 108
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. ---- This week Munky is chasing status... Artist - Chase & Status featuring Plan B. Song - Pieces. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- Space Hawk. Warren from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that Professor Stephen Hawkins has had a satellite navigation system fitted to his wheelchair? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Warren, I can confirm that Professor Hawkins has indeed had a modified satellite navigation system fitted to his wheelchair. A minor oversight on the part of the manufacturers, however, has since proven somewhat problematic. With this in mind, Mr. Hawkins will be reminded to disable the automatic 'Speak and Go' option before giving any future lectures relating to places that might endanger his life. ---- On This Day in History. It was on this day in 1995 that Blur frontman, Damon Albarn, had a fight with Liam Gallagher from the band Oasis. "I remember it as if it were yesterday," said Albarn recently in an interview for 'Fork Off' magazine. "I'd just secured a deal with the proprietor of an antique store and was paying for my Elizabethan cutlery when, out of the blue, I heard Liam's mocking laughter. A verbal onslaught ensued and the rest is history." Asked as to if Liam's claims regarding the authenticity of said kitchen utensils were ever substantiated, Damon replied, "Oh just fuck off! They're Elizabethan I tell you! Elizabethan!" ---- Bungle's Barely News (Labour Party Conference) '''Unkle Munky says - '''Jeezus. It's no wonder the country's in such a state! ---- Fuel Advice. Yasmin asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Fuelling my car has become ridiculously expensive over the past few months and I was wondering if perhaps I should consider experimenting with vegetable oil? '''Unkle Munky says - '''Dear Yasmin, I fail to see how comfort eating is going to help with regards to this particular problem? Yasmin replies - Oh for god's sake! ---- Wary Canary. Karen from Liverpool asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am hoping to have a picnic at Stonehenge next week but am rather worried about the rumours regarding falling debris. Can you help? '''Unkle Munky says - '''Dear Karen, I have taken the liberty of passing your query onto my new staff member, Wary Canary. ---- The Sperminator. Ian from Wolstanton asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that the National Health Service now pay £6.50 for every sperm donation made? '''Unkle Munky says - '''Dear Ian, I can confirm that the National Health Service do indeed pay £6.50 per sperm donation. ''Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - Blimey! That towel under your bed must be worth a couple of grand by now then, Munky?'' '''Unkle Munky replies - '''Shut it, Mary! ---- Bungle's Barely News ---- Hot Stuff. Brian from Sussex asks - Dear Unkle Munky, The fan in my computer seems to have stopped. Should I be concerned? Unkle Munky says - '''Dear Brian, The operational status of your computer's fan should only concern you if your browser is regularly pointed towards sites of an adult nature. ''Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - Give me strength! Electric fans are incorporated into computers with the sole aim of expelling heat from components that might otherwise become unstable. They are not designed to specifically activate when viewing adult related sites! Brian's concerns are more than warranted. I would advise that he seek the help of a qualified technician at his earliest possible convenience!''' '''Unkle Munky says - '''Ahem. Thank you, Mary. ---- Man on a Hill. ---- Life Coach. Simone from Dublin asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My so-called life-coach has committed suicide. Can I make a claim? '''Unkle Munky says - '''Oh for god's sake! ---- UK Munky Gold Plus One. ''This week: The outcome of a vital stakeout is plunged into jeopardy after Doyle threatens to keep an hairdressing appointment. ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...